I started out the day intent on counting the total number of decisions that I tyically make within the time frame of one day. My first decision occurred when I sensed morning light coming into the bedroom, that’s when I decided to look at the clock, it was 6:15 a.m. I then decided to push the button that turned on the radio. I decided to listen to the news. Soon I decided to get up, then more decisions in the bathroom, and even more decisions about getting dressed, which sock to put on first, etc. I decided to do my morning exercises (crunches and pushups), I decided to go downstairs, I decided to eat breakfast which included multiple decisions about what to eat, what to prepare, how to prepare, etc. Later I decided to go to Starbucks which entailed dozens more of decisions, to turn this corner, to wait for that truck, to … It soon became overwhelming. I hit more than 200 decisions in the first hour.
Decisions govern our lives.
Most are ordinary and either are barely conscious or so completely automatic that they are totally unconscious. Previous thinking and deciding about various things have now become automatic decisions that operate as my “way of being in the world.” Previous learnings created decisions that now comprise my lifestyle. Decisions mold and form and engineer our lives.
Then there are the circumstances that I default to (an implicit decision) that actually replaces or substitute for a conscious decision. I decide to take Elm Street because I can see construction up ahead on 7th Street. I didn’t really want to go down Elm Street, but I also didn’t want to get stuck in the traffic. The decision didn’t seem like a decision, that choice seemed determined by that circumstance.
Then there are the conscious decisions that determine and govern life today and life into the future. “Should I say yes to this project or not?” “How can I say no to this request without hurting her feelings?” These are the decisions that we struggle with- we consider the pros and cons on each side of the decision. And if there are several choices, then we have multiple sets of pros-and-cons. And so we go back and forth between saying yes to the choice or no. All of this also influences my identity: Am I a decisive person or not? Am I indecisive?
Pausing to Think
Now to create high-quality decisions in all of these cases, you have to pause in order to think. Otherwise you will be merely reacting to events and circumstances and defaulting to old programs that actualize previous thinking. And that may not be good for you. To switch off the autopilot – you now have to step back (go meta) to gain perspective-to see the larger picture and to consider what is really important to you. This means becoming mindful of your values and the criteria that you set for what is truly important.
You first have to define what’s meaningful to you, what you consider significant to your overall well-being, and set your highest intentions. Otherwise you will just be engaged in wishful thinking.
This process shows up in Meta-Coaching in several ways. We begin every coaching session by inviting the prelude of a decision by asking for the person’s agenda, wants, dreams, hopes as we ask, “What do you want from this coaching conversation that will make the most transformative difference in your life?” This starts the deciding as it invites the client to make a
choice- “What should I bring up?” In making this decision, the person will either talk about what he positively wants (a toward-value) or what he does not want (an away-from value or dis-value). More decisions then arise as we ask a series of well-formed outcome questions-
“What will that look like or sound like when you get it?” “Why is that important to you?” “When do you want that?” “What do you have to do to get what you want?”
leading and facilitating
Through the process of leading and facilitating the well-formed outcome conversation, the client evidentially sets the agenda and creates (or co-creates with the coach) a desired outcome for the coaching and for her life. This is the first pause, the second one comes next as we inquire about the values and dis-values of taking actions to make the decision real.
This involves identifying all of the values and benefits of the objective as well as the dis-values and costs. Both sides are critical for truly being mindful of what a person will gain and the price one will pay for that gain.
At an even higher level, we often step back for yet another pause. This is the pause of considering the standards or criteria that a person is using- against which the decisions are made. To make a decision, you make it against some criteria.
What are you treating as most important? Is it time, money, health, energy, joy, accomplishment, achievement, efficiency, recognition, respect, etc.?
Pausing here to look at your criteria and the prioritization of your criteria enables you (and your clients) to be much more thoughtful, mindful, and reflective in decision-making. Doing this enables you to become truly discerning in the decision-making process. Yes, you can make many decisions quickly and within a split second and for the everyday kind of decisions that we make minute by minute, that’s usually fine. Yet for truly high-quality decisions, you’ll want to pause- step back- get mindful -elicit your highest values in order to make great decisions that you’ll be proud of. Pausing and thinking enables you to access some of your highest executive thinking powers. Anyone can learn how to do this through decisive education at The Coaching Centre
Learn How To Run Your Own Brain With NLP At The Coaching Centre
NLP communication has been around for many decades yet people still have not heard of what NLP can do to increase the quality of life. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and was developed out of general semantics from the 1930’s. So why have we not heard of NLP?
Did you know The Coaching Centre are a local training company in Orange NSW who deliver accredited programs in NLP? So we ask their licensed NLP Trainer Shawn Dwyer “Tell us about NLP and the benefits to learning some of the NLP Practitioner program”;
“NLP has been used for many decades to support your way of life that enhance your beliefs, emotions and thoughts about any given subject. NLP is trained and used worldwide by thousands of people. We deliver various NLP programs with the international certified NLP Practitioner being 8days, split over two 4 day blocks.” Some of the concepts that are included when learning NLP at The Coaching Centre are;
Firstly, the communication model was highlighted decades ago by Alfred Korzybski through his work in 1930s when he stated the map is not the territory. People respond according to their maps of the world, not the world itself. Therefore in NLP we learn to respect each person’s model of the world by learning the theory and diagram of the NLP communication model. While people hold various learning, memory and emotions as valuable to them. People actually map out an experience in a unique way, leading to their own version of reality. Have you ever realised that? Have you “not got along” with someone due to seeing things differently? How could we ever remember the same parts of a situation?
VAK Representational Systems
The mind-body connection of human experience is through the 5 senses and how we represent in it the movie of our mind. Through our representation we layer meaning onto an event. And the more we think about an experience, the more layered are the meanings we give to it. Our human body receives information through our senses and then through thinking and feeling we represent and evaluate our experience(s).
Through the process of how outside events, cause a mind-body-emotion connection and resulting in our behaviour, we can model our experiences and learn to run our own brain. In NLP you learn to become aware of body language via activities in calibrating to another person.
Communication is more than just speaking, it is about listening, givig and receiving feedback, watching and calibrating. And we can mis-communicate more than we can communicate, so through NLP you can now learn effective communication techniques to gather information and run our own brain.
A higher quality of life is achieved by managing the components of our communication, whether we are by ourself or when we are communicating to others. It is an amazing difference when we realise “the meaning of our communication is through the response we get!” This principle was part of my first experience of NLP where i started to see better ways to communicate. I found the 18 original NLP principles and started to use them in my life. And I really did experience a new way of being in how I could communicate more effectively with other people. Many people even said the same.
Learn NLP at The Coaching Centre in Orange, Regional NSW
And I felt alot better too as learning NLP wasn’t hard, but a fun new way to accurately see things. It is amazing there is never two people the same!
As a result from our programs there are many testimonials on the site by people around the Central West highlighting when they come and learn NLP.
Would you like to get a higher quality life now? Instant book and get 10% off the next certified NLP Practitioner program
By Shawn Dwyer
How does NLP and other constructionism models specifically ‘inform’ the Meta-Coach System with recognised application? As a Neuro-Semantic Trainer how do you use other approaches that informs your training content?
Are you a confident Neuro-Semantic Trainer able to succinctly communicate to your participants the evolutionary background of the Meta-Coaching System?
The article below is from the original work by Dr Suzie Linder-Perlz. Full credit is given to Dr Suzie Linder-Perlz for the references provided.
This article’s purpose has been slightly adjusted from the original article written by Dr Suzie Linder-Perlz’(the original purpose was for career coaching). My purpose as a fellow Neuro-Semantic Trainer is using Dr Susie Linder-Perlz article for defining how Meta-Coaching has been ‘in-formed’ by previous models and theory. Can you imagine where you can inform Meta-Coaching accurately? I would love to see your learnings of what informs you!
NLP and General Semantics
NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) is a communication model; it is about the internal representation of experience and how people communicate with themselves as well as others. In the field if general semantics Korzybski (1933/94) articulated an explanatory model of the human mind-body system comprising many interactive parts: mind (meaning, semantics), body (neurology), emotions, and beliefs. This was the beginning of the NLP model.
Korzybski also explained how humans create their unique cognitive ‘maps’ of the external world they encounter. Michael Hall explained ‘emotion’ as the registering somatically of the difference between our maps of the world and our experience of it. People construct meanings in their mind and package them in symbols (words), share them and embody them. Words work in their neurology to create emotional states and induce them into various mind-body-emotion experiences O’Connor and Seymour 1990, Bolstad 2004).
NLP (and later the Neuro-Semantic models) are partly based on the same cognitive behavioural approaches that informed social cognitive theory, cognitive counselling and the solution-focused approach.
Philosophically, NLP came from person-centred psychology Rogers 1961 and Glasser 1965. Based on his scientific and psychometric research, Rogers concluded that people have a basically positive direction, are self-directing and autonomous; he talked of “self-regulatory activities”. Change was about “loosening cognitive maps”. He also linked thoughts, feelings, experiences and physiology to the change process. Rogers’ idea that helpful therapeutic relationships required reflective listening, empathy and separateness of self under lie NLP practitioner skills (such as state management and rapport-building through calibration of representational systems, matching and mirroring language predicates, pacing and leading) as well as traditional approaches to helping skills that emphasize qualities such as congruence, empathy and positive regard (Egan 1975).
Cognitive theory—first as RET (Relational Emotional Therapy – Ellis 1962)— focused on ‘thoughts’ as primary in driving human experience. Later, REBT (relational Emotional Behaviour Therapy – Ellis and Harper 1975) suggested that thoughts are revealed primarily as words, self-talk statement, and beliefs. How we think affects how we feel which in turn affects how we behave (Ellis and Harper 1975; Beck, Rush, Shaw and Emery 1979). Cognitive reframing and challenging self-talk are used in RET and REBT. NLP also draws from reality theory and learning theory regarding the need for positive and negative reinforcement, setting goals, contract negotiation and not ‘failing’ people.
NLP and cognitive behaviour counselling both draw on self-efficacy theory (Bandura 1986) and his cognitive learning theory regarding the quadratic reciprocity of four domains of human experience: thoughts, feelings, behaviour and situation (Bandura 1977). The motivational power of goal-setting (Latham and Locke 1991, Locke 1996, Hesketh 1997) is a central assumption in NLP as in other cognitive behaviour approaches (Grant 2001, Grant and Greene 2001).
Like narrative therapy and solution-focused brief therapy, NLP and Neuro-Semantics belong philosophically to the discipline to constructivism (Korzybski,1933/1994; Miller 1956; Bateson 1972; Walsh, Craik and Price 1992; Watlzawick, 1974; Weakland, Fisch, Jackson and Watlzawick,1974). A key NLP presupposition is that people construct their maps and models of the world because they do not deal with ‘the territory’ (reality) directly (Bandler and Grinder (1975).
The TOTE Model
The TOTE model of self-regulation (Miller, Gallanter and Pribam 1960) informed the work of Bandler and Grinder that lead to the Strategy Model in NLP, just as it informed the work of others studying the regulation of learning and behaviour (Carver and Scheier 1998).
Both NLP and the solution-focused approaches (de Shazar 1988; de Shazar 1994) were informed by cognitive therapy (Beck 1976) and Erickson’ s Strategic Therapy (Zeig 1994, Battino and South 1999). Both NLP and solution-focused approaches are constructivist and humanistic, sharing a focus collaboration, feedback, finding out what works and what doesn’t, focus on solutions and resources, precision questioning, visualising a preferred future, step back and notice the problem is the problem.
To these shared assumptions, philosophy and techniques, NLP added the focus on internal representation systems and the language processes that help clients change those internal representations and physiology in order to change emotional states and behaviours.
In summary, this is not all of the elementary inclusions that ‘inform’ the initial Meta-Coaching System, yet we can now view how Meta-Coaching transcends and includes an extensive volume of recognised psychology, knowledge, constructionism and theory including General Semantics, Narrative Therapy, Relational Emotional Behaviour Theory, Reality Theory, Learning Theory, Cognitive Theory, Strategic Theory, Type Theory, and the NLP communication model.
How will you inform your participants with this in-formation?
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Unpacking The Depth And Finding The Critical Things In A Coaching Conversation
If you start from the idea that hidden inside of your client’s statement are much deeper references, then you will more likely to slow the coaching conversation down and do more exploration and more quality exploration.
Would you be interested in this? As far as I can tell, most coaches go far, far too fast in their coaching. They need to slow down. The client also goes far too fast. For that reason both of them miss things- critical things.
One of the sources of this idea is Transformational Grammar. Chomsky’s formatting of T.G. was that into surface statements and the deep structure.
The “transformations” of grammar occur from one level to the next. He used this to describe how the deep structure of experiential meaning is transferred into the statements that we make- which amount to a surface statement. To get behind it, to get inside it, to get deeper inside is to probe into the experiential meaning. In Neuro-Semantics we call this the framing structure and picture it as “meta” to the surface level statements.
This is also the design of the Meta-Model. By identify structural facets of the deep structure- the linguistic descriptions or distinctions (mind-reading, cause-effect, complex equivalence, nominalization, etc.) we can move back and forth from experiential meaning to surface statement.
That is, behind or within the statement are many deeper distinctions- if only you ask.
In Meta-Coaching, we use the sub-skills in a given category of skill to explore and unpack the deeper levels. We use clarity checks of terms, we ask for specificity, we repeat phrases so the client can hear him or herself, we calibrate to a gesture and ask the client to bring it into conscious awareness, we repeat a word or phrase and “hold” it in the conversation and then “work it” to explore its ramifications, we ask about metaphors to find the hidden comparisons, we ask for examples to get a visual-auditory referent, we validate symptoms and back up to find their cause, and so on.
Unpacking the depth that lies behind or within words, gestures, and experiences is not easy, yet it is also not Rocket Science. It typically involves a rigorous discipline to learn how to become competent at it.
“I feel stuck. It’s terrible, I just cannot get myself to stop procrastinating.” A simple statement of three phrases and yet several semantically loaded words within that sentence: “stuck, terrible, can’t.”
Time to unpack.
You are stuck in what? “Fear and insecurity.”
Fear of what? “That I won’t be able to do it.”
You are afraid you won’t be able to do … what? “Success as a coach in private practice.”
And how much fear are you talking about? “A lot, at a level of 8 on a zero to ten scale.”
And what is the fear about? Fear that what threat or danger will occur? “That I will fail.”
Fail means what? “Not succeeding.” (Now going in circles.)
Coaching Conversations – What is the worse thing that will happen if you fail and not succeed?
“Waste money, look like a fool, hate myself.”
How much money will you waste? “$3,000!”
What did you spend that money on? “Training and some promotional materials.”
How much on the training? “$2,500.” How much on the promotions? “$500.”
How are you using the word “wasted?” You got nothing out of the training?
“Okay, then $500.”
Who looks upon you as a fool for investing $500 to pursue your passion?
“Well, I guess me.” You do? “Yeah.”
And you then hate yourself? “Yeah.”
And you do that to achieve what outcome? “Yeah, I know, just self-pity.”
So how stuck are you now in this fear and insecurity? “Well it seems kind of silly now, I guess 4 or 5.”
Will that stop you from trying again, persisting, learning, adjusting?
The very act of exploring and unpacking the depth of meanings inside of words and gestures is often (and usually) an intervention in and of itself.
Isn’t that amazing?! You are just doing information gathering and the way you do that enables you to simultaneously facilitate the remaking of meaning.
How can you learn to do this?
Step into the state of mind of being a detective, assume you do not know what the other person is referring to and ask lots of dumb questions. That will take you a long way. After that, be playful. Play around with what is said to lighten things up. Someone says “I want to be present when I coach, but I can’t; my mind just goes away.”
Oh, your mind just goes away. Pause. Then repeat. Your mind goooesss away. Pause. And where does it go? Did you send it there? Do you want it to go there? You don’t? It is being a naughty mind? Or is it being attracted to something more interesting? Is it bored?
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The first irony of NLP is that it did not start as an attempt to model excellence. No, not at all.
It started off as an inquiry about what Fritz Perls was doing with his language and patterning that enabled people to experience personal transformations. Another irony is that John Grinder was not involved in the inquiry. Frank Pucelik had been studying Gestalt Therapy in San Diego and Richard Bandler had been transcribing some of Fritz’s audio and visual tapes for a book, and as Richard had begun mimicking Perls, they discovered something surprising, namely, they were getting the same kind of incredible transformations that Perls got. That raised the question, How was that possible?
That was 1972, four years before “Neuro-Linguistic Programming” came about.
So what they called themselves and it at that time was “Meta.” There was no “pure NLP” at that time. There was an interest in how could language patterns of untrained people be so powerful as to replicate what Perls had been able to do (by 1972, Perls had been dead for two years). So another irony- there was no direct modeling of Perls, no interviewing, no questioning, no “unconscious uptake of his patterns,” only modeling his writings and tapes.
The Meta-Model Of Language In Therapy
Yet in spite of those limitations, they did create a model of his language and behavioral patterns and together with Virginia Satir’s languaging and behavioral patterns, they created the first NLP model– “the Meta-Model of Language in Therapy.” That’s what they called it in The Structure of Magic (1975). Latter they dropped the “in Therapy” focus as they began to realize that the Communication Model that they had put together could be applied to anything human- since all human applications involve language and behavior.
That’s when they began to think in terms of modeling.
Once Grinder entered the picture, he introduced or brought in the leaders of the Cognitive Psychology Movement and their products. Having completed his doctorate in Transformational Grammar, that’s what he first brought in, namely, Noam Chomsky’s Transformational Grammar. And having worked in George Miller’s Lab for a year, he brought that group of researchers and their TOTE Model, the Magic Number 7 plus-or-minus 2, etc. The irony, given that today two of the founders disparage the “conscious” mind, is that Chomsky and Miller’s influence made NLP a derivative of Cognitive Psychology and the focus became to enable people to “run their own brains.” That is, become conscious and mindful and take charge of their own lives. This was also the basis of the NLP Strategy Model for linear modeling and modeling short-term immediate subjective experiences like spelling, getting out of bed, motivation, decision, etc.
Meta-levels, The Beginning Of Systems Thinking
Ironically, even though the Strategy Model had a little “m” in it, it was extremely minor and undeveloped for many years. Much later several began exploring the role of that “m” (the meta-level) phenomena, especially “beliefs” in modeling. Robert Dilts introduced five levels in his Neuro-Logical Levels. Then David Gordon with Graham Daws introduced the Experiential Array. Both models began to take meta-levels into consideration and with meta-levels, the beginning of systems thinking.
Yet it wasn’t until 1994 when I introduced the Meta-States Model to model the special kind of human consciousness self-reflexive consciousness, that a completely fluid systems approach was added to modeling. Unlike the earlier models, Meta-States was not linear, it is non-linear and therefore systemic as it introduced emergent properties from the layering of states.
This now enables us to truly model systemic processes and long-term subjective experiences- experiences that emerge over many months even years.
A linear approach is reductionistic. It essentially seeks to reduce a rich systemic experience to a series of individual strategies and to treat them as sequential activities. That would be one way to approach things, but it would probably not yield the quality of understanding needed to replicate a desired excellence.
What else is there to model?
A whole range of things- in fact, every subjective human experience that is essentially systemic or long-term. For example, consider all of the health states or conditions and their opposites, especially the 90 auto-immune system diseases. The only one I’ve looked at in any depth has been lupus. And it is just one of scores and scores. So one modeling that would involve finding multiple people who have recovered from lupus, especially the fatal kind, kidney lupus and cerebral lupus, and finding both the damaging and the healing frames. That’s what some of us attempted to do a decade ago.
Long Term Experience Modeling
Finally, in the last two decades most modeling projects have focused on long-term experiences- leadership, wealth creation, productivity, persuasion, etc. Other modeling projects have combined long-term with systemic experiences- collaborative leadership, coaching mastery, etc. The fact is, the truly richest and deepest of subjective states have not been modeled and we do not yet have processes (called patterns) by which we can enable people to replicate the best that’s available, the best peak experiences, the best states of flow, the best loving states, the best healing states, etc.
Modeling Human Excellence
This, in my opinion, is one of the open areas for exploration in the field of NLP. There is so much more to discover! Today we have so many of the required tools to engage in modeling human excellence and to go where no one has gone before.
In this 7 part Supportive Leadership series, we will go through the leadership skills you require to be an effective business leader, manager and a highly effective communicator.
To understand anything we have to frame it. That is, we have to put it within some frame of reference.
We do this by putting the experience or words within some context. This process of framing lies at the heart of all communicating. As we frame, we create mental contexts by which we think and construct meaning. This explains reframing—creating new frames, new meanings, new responses. Framing something with another meaning is also a description of bringing a higher state to it, hence meta-stating.
We all process information through various frames-of-reference. These frames are mostly outside of our conscious awareness. We’re so used to them as our models of reality that they filter our perspectives. These frames are comprised of our “beliefs,” “understandings,” “learnings,” and “decisions.” As such they establish our perspective.
It’s Framing all the way up
When we put a piece of behavior or idea within a different frame, we transform the meaning and that re-frames our perspective. Framing and reframing creates and changes our frame of reference from which we perceive things. As our meanings change, so do our responses, emotions, and behaviors. All reframing models aim at changing our response by changing the frame. We “frame” things by establishing classes, categories, and definitions which enables us to know what a thing “is,” how it works, what it means, etc. Every higher level is a higher frame.
To learn the art and skill of framing join us in the join us in the fun filled internationally certified Meta-NLP Practitioner, where you learn the skill of Framing to International Benchmark Standards
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@The Coaching Centre – Australia